I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
