Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize