ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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