sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
