Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
