what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
