Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
