I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
