i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
