i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
MIDGETS
????
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize