piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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