Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
