We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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