my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dick very happy bro
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
