That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
