i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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