i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
