Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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