I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
