one might say we're banned from that church
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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