I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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