I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
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this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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