and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
