Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
