yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So. Much. Porn.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
