I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
