a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
