Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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