Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
