Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
