Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
