wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
