I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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