I cannot find my penis.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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