I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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