Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
