i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize