Im at strip club and am horny
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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