she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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