Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize