I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
