There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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