I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
