you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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