so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
