things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just high enough for therapy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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