I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
