I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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