Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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