Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
