Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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