I skipped work to stalk him.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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