just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
