I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
