i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
