PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
