Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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