i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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