I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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