she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
