true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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