woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
