i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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